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Engaging with life
often means engaging with others,
especially when a family encounters
an unexpected illness, injury or
change of ability. Caregiving
may be a new and necessary change
that affects the lives of the giver,
the receiver, and those who love them.
A tremendous gift that may come at
a tremendous cost, caregiving requires
grace, patience and generosity on
all sides. And it can not be done
alone. In this issue of Engage we
offer perspectives on the relationship from
different angles. How can a giver
receive care? How can a receiver encourage
and support those giving? How can
our partnership in this sometimes
painful endeavor serve as a lens
for the future? We hope these articles
will inspire conversations about
how we care for one another in the
changing circumstance of life.
We hope you will
share Engage with your family and
friends.
Sincerely,
Institute
on Aging
Helping
Bay Area Seniors Live Independently
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Compassion
Meets Fatigue - What to
Do?
Featuring an article by Tim Jarvis of
O, The Oprah Magazine
 The next time someone dreams
up a new superhero, she should be wielding a
bedpan. And Kleenex. And playing cards and travel
Scrabble.
As any of the more than 50 million
Americans caring for an elderly, disabled, or
chronically ill loved one knows, the task requires
superhuman strength and patience -- and loads of
compassion.
Given the constant demands on your time
and energy -- for months or years on end -- as
well as the stress and frustration involved,
having large reserves of empathy is crucial.
Yet as strange as it sounds, all that
empathy can backfire, flooding you with the other
person's pain, and leaving you exhausted, angry,
even unable to care anymore. No one likes to talk
about these feelings; they seem selfish, shameful,
indecent. They take a toll, however -- on both you
and the patient. And they're a growing concern
among physicians, who have a name for what's
happening: compassion fatigue.
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Planning Ahead for YOUR
Life
 As a parent or an elderly
friend navigates the changes that come with
later life, we often stand beside them with a
mixture of encouragement, concern and discomfort.
They are facing challenges that will one day
be before us; it is difficult not
to squirm when we see
the limitations they experience, whether
they are physical, cognitive or
financial. However, this time of watching our
elders age can be a tremendous gift. The
transition and reshaping of their lives
serves as an education for our own. We have an
opportunity to learn through their experiences
what shape we would like our later years to
take.
No matter your age or life circumstance,
it is never too early to think about and begin
planning ahead for life transitions. Declining
health, accidents, or any of life's many curve
balls can leave us suddenly in need of care and
dependent on another for major decisions. Family,
despite their best intentions, may be unable to
help.
Make your preferences for health care,
living arrangements, and end-of-life care known to
your friends and family. Address financial issues
such as wills, trusts, life insurance, and paying
for long-term care. Communicate with the people
you would like to execute your wishes. Designate a
healthcare power of attorney and financial power
of attorney, and make sure each person (your
"designated agents") has copies of or access to
any important documents, such as advance
directives or insurance policies. Also, make sure
your partner and family know where you store your
paperwork.
In lieu of family or friends, you may
also ask a professional to serve as your
designated agent, trustee, or attorney-in-fact.
IOA has offered this service to Bay Area seniors
for many years and can provide a trusted resource
as you explore the future.
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Community
Events
Take a Break with: Portraits,
Mandalas & Magic
Join IOA's Center for Elders & Youth in
the Arts (CEYA) as we celebrate a year of art
activity by Victorian Manor residents and students
from Creative Arts Charter School and Stuart Hall
High School. The exhibit will show are from
classes led by professional artists Augusta
Talbot, Nanilee Robarge and Judy Shintani. The
exhibit will be open through April 2010.
When: Thursday, September
24, 4-6pm Where: Victorian
Manor 1444 McAllister Street, San Francisco, CA
94115 Cost:
FREE Info: Visit ceya.ioaging.org How
Fit is YOUR Brain?
A fun and interactive seminar with Dr.
Eric J. Freitag, Psy.D, Neuropsychologist and
Executive Director of Mt. Diablo Memory Center.
Learn what it means to be "Brain Fit" and how
people of all ages can lead a brain-healthy
lifestyle. Topics covered
include:
How the brain functions
Activities that promote active brain fitness
Diseases and conditions that affect brain
function When: Thursday,
October 1, 6:00pm Where:
Contra Costa JCC LIBRARY 2071 Tice Valley
Blvd., Walnut Creek
94595 Cost:
FREE Info: Call 925.938.7800,
ext. 257, or register online: www.ccjcc.org/millman
A Good Night's Rest
There may be many factors preventing you from
getting a good night's rest, such as stress,
environmental causes, a medical condition or
anxiety. This workshop will focus on concrete
self-care strategies and simple relaxation
techniques in order to create outcomes including a
stronger immune system, more energy and greater
vitality. From the Community Health Resource
Center
When: Thursday, October 15,
12:30-2pm Where: 2100 Webster
Street, Suite 106 San Francisco,
CA Cost: $10 donation
suggested Info: To
pre-register call 415-923-3155 or email cpmcchrc@sutterhealth.org. Visit www.cpmc.org/chrc for
detailed course description. |
ENCOURAGE
Dear
Encourage,
I am a care-receiver, not a caregiver
and let me tell you, this role did not come with a
how-to manual. I am struggling in many ways- not
only in that I need help with things I used to be
able to do on my own, but also because I'm not
used to being taken care of in this way and I'm
uncomfortable with it all. The magazines highlight
how important it is for caregivers to take care of
themselves, read books, and go to support
groups so that they're not alone in their labor of
love. I realize the strength and courage it takes
to provide daily care and watch the changes in
your loved one-- I cannot even imagine life
without my wife's support, kindness, and daily
assistance. But what I am missing is
guidance on how to receive her help without
becoming resentful, impatient, and
frustrated.
Dear
Care-Receiver,
What comes to my mind
as I think about how to answer your thoughtful
question is an excerpt from the book entitled,
Soul Food: Stories to Nourish the Spirit and the
Heart, written by Jack Kornfield and Christina
Feldman. I paraphrase from the section called, The
Courage Within Us.
"Every journey
whether an attempt to scale a mountain or to
awaken the spirit, calls for great courage and
steadfastness. To fulfill any significant quest or
possibility in our lives we need to call upon
inner resources of fearlessness, dedication, and
perseverance. For in every journey we enter into
unfamiliar territory, and inevitably fear, doubt,
and uncertainty will be occasional companions in
our travels. Yet we must travel on. Again and
again we make new beginnings in our lives,
initiate new directions. The very unfamiliarity of
our travels means that there are few signposts we
can rely upon for reassurance. Inevitably there
are times when we lose our way, make mistakes or
flounder in doubts about our ability to complete
our journey. Part of bringing our journey to
completion is learning how to accept difficulty
with graciousness, how to grow through the
mistakes we make. It is our own courage that
allows us to find a place of serenity and truth
amid the storms and
difficulties."
Showing appreciation
and gratitude to those we love oftentimes takes a
lot of courage because it puts us in a vulnerable
position. I encourage you to express to your wife
what you have expressed to me-to have an honest
dialogue with her about your journey in the
uncharted waters of being a care-receiver. I have
a good feeling she will be touched by your
strength to bring up the subject, your openhearted
sincerity, and most importantly, your
courage.
Do you have a
question about engaging with life as a
senior? Send it our way. Please note, questions
may be printed but will be kept strictly
anonymous. Click here to email
us.
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Every month we highlight a family
tradition, such as a recipe, a craft, or a cultural
holiday. Please suggest a tradition from
your family!
This month's family
tradition:
Respect for the Aged Day
September 21st
On this special day in Japan, people show respect
to long-time contributors to society, celebrate their
longevity and pray for their health. Cultural programs
and athletic events spotlighting the elderly are held in
the community. In schools, children draw
pictures and use arts and crafts to make gifts for their
grandparents or other elderly residents in their
community. Throughout the year elders are
honored as they become centarians. On their 100th
birthday Japanese citizens receive a silver cup and a
certificate from the Prime Minister of Japan, honoring
them for their longevity and prosperity in
life. We'd like to feature part of your
heritage. Share a recipe, tradition or family story.
We'd love to print it!
Click here
to email
us.
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